Why you will never see a happy accountant

Accountants may be either Professionally qualified, or just experience backed dynamites. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that an accountant can never be truly happy.

First of all the professionally qualified one will be upset why he did not become double or triple qualified as some of his peers are. And why his lesser qualified counterparts are clearly better at accounts and finance than he is ! On the other hand, lesser qualified accountants bemoan why they could not acquire the stamp of “Chartered.” None is content with his lot.

Those is service would like to have their own practice, whereas the practising accountants long for the steady inflow of a fixed monthly salary.

Focusing now, on an accountant in a decent well-paid Government job, his main worries can be summarized as under :

-       Why does the CEO listen more to the Marketing man rather than him, a financial wizard

-       Why does the HR head get the training in Copenhagen, whereas his training is in Bhatinda

-       Why is this year’s profit more than last year’s when sales turnover is nearly same

-       Why has the net profit of a competitor fallen by 2 % over last year

-       Why is the main product of the company not yielding enough contribution

-       Why does the Companies Act change so frequently

-       Why did a colleague shift jobs and rise to the position of MD, whereas he is only a Deputy GM.

-       Why is his annual increment a measly 3 % of his basic pay

-       Why is the National stock index so sensitive to the bad weather in Peru or Hisar

-       Why all the females in accounts are such bad-lookers

-       If all is well and profitable, a matter to worry is that it may not be well tomorrow, or next year, a basis for the Accounting Principle of Conservatism.

An Accountant doing his own practice as an auditor, tax consultant or costing expert, may bemoan why his practice is not doing as well as his competitors is. (His competitor is just plain lucky, he concludes). Or the other guy’s father is better connected , that’s all. His Own plush office, dedicated staff, ten assistants and a high income are simply not enough to make him happy.

A typical true-blooded accountant would be a bespectacled, earnest  looking person with glazed penetrating eyes, sometimes a touch of arrogance, a slight slouch and a wary defensive look in his intelligent eyes. He smiles only at the signing of his balance sheet, that too for just half an hour. He never takes anyone at face value, not even his one year old toddler. He tries to find the reason behind everything, even his wife’s smiling face. Life to him means a cycle of comparing, computing, checking, auditing, analyzing, rationalizing, planning and forecasting. Numbers are not just numbers for him, they are indicators of business plans, trends and projections and presentations. With that much analyzing, can any sane person ever be happy…

The saving grace is that accountants know no other life than that of a trial balance or variance analysis, so they accept their lot with an understanding dullness, a lot of sadness, a disgruntled look, a grimace and a scowl. They even scowl at their doting mothers, upon reaching home. Mother however understands and knows that the misery of an accountant started way back at birth-time, with his first cry ! That’s why its said that accountants are born not made.