Demeanour in the face of defeat
 

In real life situations one often faces defeat, sometimes unexpectedly, at the hand of peers, colleagues, competitors, enemies or even friends. What then, should one’s demeanour, manner, countenance and attitude be in the face of Defeat ?

 

Should one still be proud and majestic, and demand that the victor treat him respectfully, "as a King would treat a King” in the style of a defeated but proud Porus facing a victorious Alexander ? No harm, but one should be careful to protect one’s rear which may receive a vehement kick from the annoyed “Alexander.”

Or should one behave like a downcast, depressed, beaten and humbled wretch, who realizes now that he deserved the licking he got, and that in fact, he should have never been born in the first place. This is sure to invite a vehement kick on one’s rear, as everyone likes to take a swipe at a beaten villain or a kick at a yelping underdog.

Another expression would be the saintly one, where one accepts defeat as the outcome of his past life sins, and exhorts the Lord to forgive the victor for defeating him in Life’s race. He bears no grudge or animosity, and wears a sickeningly serene half-smile always. The Lord may like to kick him in this case..

I feel one should be as Ordinary as one can be. David Hawkins has noted :  "...just being ordinary in and of itself is and expression of divinity; the truth of one's real self can be discovered through the pathway of everyday life."

Without pretensions, justifications and manifestations, one must try to be Normal, even in defeat. Or rather Especially in defeat. And that's not easy.

 In favour of being an idiot

These days no one likes to be called an idiot. However here are some of the chief advantages, comforts and plus-points of being a dumb dodo, and a dunderhead. That is a person who is blissfully unaware of the machinations, politics and strategic craftiness of being a Man today.  

First of all, very few expectations are there from him, so with smallest of efforts he manages to fulfil and even surpass all expectations. Thereby he rises significantly in peer’s and seniors’ esteem, and consequently in his own self esteem. He shows that ignoramuses can also lead a reaonable and remarkable life.

Secondly, it is said that Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. So, in that sense he is a path-breaker a braveheart and a hero, as he battles at the frontiers of perilious risk, since he had rushed in unknowingly and unmindfully, in his usual lunatic ignorant manner. Often, the risks taken, albeit foolishly, do pay off handsomely.

Thirdly, he is often seen living in a “Fools Paradise” blissfully unaware of the full filthy facts, the dreadful dangers or the overpowering practical complications of any human or social problem. He doesn’t know very much about anything, so he is “insulated” against being perturbed, prejudiced or over-prepared. He knows no games people play, so he cannot play any. Very often he gets kicked right into the most suitable solution and situation.

Fourthly, the successful guys usually have many foes who envy their brains, goodluck and success. The collective jealousies of many people often throw negative vibrations at the so called “winners" which can create disturbances, disharmony and failure even for the winners. The Idiot is fortunate not to evoke any such negative reactions. He ambles on amicably, grinning in his ignorance. 

Lastly, it is commonly acknowledged that the Lord does step in heavily to protect the stupid, weak, idiotic and foolish, for they are not at all capable of protecting themselves. What can be better than having the Lord caring for you in a special way, always….

Think about it .... Willing to be an Idiot ??

A cockroach’s viewpoint

I subject I’d like to broach

Is that of the cockroach
 
as I happen to be one
and its just not done

to treat us in a manner so unjust

with hatred suspicion and disgust
 

you call us unattractive, dirty and ugly

but aren’t your minds dirty, hearts ugly
 

We believe all cockroaches are equal

Something that men can never equal

Fearful on seeing us, you maim and kill

We don’t understand this and never will

YOU’RE pretty disgusting, you  InHuman beings

And you go about belittling us poor little beings

Ohhh ! Squelch and Crunch..my brother gone

Crushed callously, leaving the gutter forlorn
 

I may be no beauty by your standards

But neither are you by my measures.

 

I am what I am

And proud to be me..

 

 

Why you will never see a happy accountant

Accountants may be either Professionally qualified, or just experience backed dynamites. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that an accountant can never be truly happy.

First of all the professionally qualified one will be upset why he did not become double or triple qualified as some of his peers are. And why his lesser qualified counterparts are clearly better at accounts and finance than he is ! On the other hand, lesser qualified accountants bemoan why they could not acquire the stamp of “Chartered.” None is content with his lot.

Those is service would like to have their own practice, whereas the practising accountants long for the steady inflow of a fixed monthly salary.

Focusing now, on an accountant in a decent well-paid Government job, his main worries can be summarized as under :

-       Why does the CEO listen more to the Marketing man rather than him, a financial wizard

-       Why does the HR head get the training in Copenhagen, whereas his training is in Bhatinda

-       Why is this year’s profit more than last year’s when sales turnover is nearly same

-       Why has the net profit of a competitor fallen by 2 % over last year

-       Why is the main product of the company not yielding enough contribution

-       Why does the Companies Act change so frequently

-       Why did a colleague shift jobs and rise to the position of MD, whereas he is only a Deputy GM.

-       Why is his annual increment a measly 3 % of his basic pay

-       Why is the National stock index so sensitive to the bad weather in Peru or Hisar

-       Why all the females in accounts are such bad-lookers

-       If all is well and profitable, a matter to worry is that it may not be well tomorrow, or next year, a basis for the Accounting Principle of Conservatism.

An Accountant doing his own practice as an auditor, tax consultant or costing expert, may bemoan why his practice is not doing as well as his competitors is. (His competitor is just plain lucky, he concludes). Or the other guy’s father is better connected , that’s all. His Own plush office, dedicated staff, ten assistants and a high income are simply not enough to make him happy.

A typical true-blooded accountant would be a bespectacled, earnest  looking person with glazed penetrating eyes, sometimes a touch of arrogance, a slight slouch and a wary defensive look in his intelligent eyes. He smiles only at the signing of his balance sheet, that too for just half an hour. He never takes anyone at face value, not even his one year old toddler. He tries to find the reason behind everything, even his wife’s smiling face. Life to him means a cycle of comparing, computing, checking, auditing, analyzing, rationalizing, planning and forecasting. Numbers are not just numbers for him, they are indicators of business plans, trends and projections and presentations. With that much analyzing, can any sane person ever be happy…

The saving grace is that accountants know no other life than that of a trial balance or variance analysis, so they accept their lot with an understanding dullness, a lot of sadness, a disgruntled look, a grimace and a scowl. They even scowl at their doting mothers, upon reaching home. Mother however understands and knows that the misery of an accountant started way back at birth-time, with his first cry ! That’s why its said that accountants are born not made.

 

Pardon Me

 

All new born babies are equally sweet-looking and all corpses look alike!

We are all basically equal. Summing up what one has got, with what one has’nt got, the end-total is nearly same for all of us. We may be riding different roller-coaster rides during our varied life spans, but it all evens out in the end. Seen through the prism of humanity, we are all equal in the beginning and in the end. Life is a great leveller, just like death. The route to death may be cruel or painful but it is made so that all life has to wither out and vanish as per the heavenly mystery, quite on the pattern of mathematical calculus. In this integration of life all differentiations get neutralized and all those who cross the finishing line (of life) are equals in that sense.

So, when we are all equal and “One” in that sense, temporarily “affixed” together on this swirling planet in the time-space of the Universe, and essentially hurtling towards the same end-destiny, does it make sense to nurture animosity towards one another during the wavering miniscule leaves of our lives, when anytime we can drop from the bough. When only the impermanence of things is permanent, why do we develop, enhance and permanently breed this self-harming hatred within us. Why cant we forget and forgive those who have “hurt” us ?

Let us say that a relative, friend, boss or acquaintance has “hurt” us, and let us down. We feel that our due has been denied to us, and in our righteousness we feel wronged and start playing the blame game. The villain of the piece gets placed on our mental pedestals, and we start the process of Hating.  Some “hurt” people feel dejected and others vow to take revenge. Whatever the approach, we all ensure that the “mental hurt” never dies down within us. Daily we recapitulate the hurt and inject the dosage of animosity and anger within our veins, and feel right in doing so. Little do we realize that this train of thought derails ourselves only, and no one else! We lose our mental equanimity, and acquire a warped view of things. The bottled-up frustration is often vented at the wrong occasions, Very often our thoughts turn illogical and irrational, culminating in downright undesirable behaviour on our part.

Lets Mouse-click now to the solution. Agreed, very difficult, but nevertheless a solution. The fastest antidote to the slow poison of animosity hatred and vengeance is Pardon. Agreed that its easier said than done, its definitely worth a solid try! Thinking laterally, why is it that we all expect to be forgiven our own sins, but we cannot easily forgive those who sin against us. Even the Biblical prayer exhorts us to Forgive thus :

 “Our Father, who art in Heaven…… Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.”

So it has been desired that one should learn to be forgiving. Besides, it is said that  “To err is human, and to forgive, divine.” Pardoning someone may be extremely difficult, but its after-effects that percolate to all concerned, can be truly remarkable. Grant of pardon soothes, uplifts and strengthens the granter and makes him level headed too. By giving the gift of “Forgiveness”, one not only reduces his own pain, but liberates the “enemy” too. One’s mindset and perspective turns upside down if one is able to truly forgive others. A positive-ripple-effect starts. Isnt the gift of Pardon really required in todays stressful, vengeful and  tensed up world? Don’t we owe that to ourselves. And to humanity?

If I sound too preaching, Pardon Me.

 

The female of all species

Sa-mule the hirsute donkey was wondering wondered whether Assin the She-Donkey was really insane for him, or whether she was just horsing around, leading him up the barnyard path. Sa-mule was an experienced ass and had spent donkey’s years leading a dogs life. But he was damned if he could understand women. Despite all his pleading and braying, Assin remained stubborn as a mule, leading him on a wild goose chase, neither accepting nor denying his advances. He realized that females were cleverer and could make an ass out of a perfectly sensible donkey by just a demure flick of their long eyelashes, and make an ass a twit just by an ass-twitch. Sa-mule pondered why female asses were smarter stronger and cleverer…..

Nearby, in the forest, Foxedd the astute Jackass wondered how to tackle his lady love, Venus the sly vixen. Foxedd had entered into this inter-caste liaison very eagerly, but was now bewildered by Venus's dictatorial and wily ways. Her demure determined decisiveness left him dazed daily and without a demur, he used to accept her writ dutifully. This time however, she wanted him to do Masters in Computer Applications (MCA), whereas computers, those manipulative machines had always foxed Foxedd. Besides, he argued reasonably, that foxes already had all the soft skills and strategic acumen they needed for survival, so why do MCA, that too from the College of Animal Husbandry? But the clever vixen hit a tennis ace stating emphatically that these days even animals, jackasses, forests and husbands needed computers for survival ! Outfoxed Foxedd knelt in silent admiration at the altar of Venus, secretly wondering whether she had again made him a jackass.....

Meanwhile in the farm, Kukkad the barnyard cock ran tearfully hither and thither, bleary-eyed and worried to distraction about what would happen to his beloved wife Hen-na, who had taken some adulterated medicines, and was having bouts of vomitting. His eyes widened in horror as he imagined the screaming headlines of next morning’s Animalistic Newspaper : Adulterating cock cripples wife for life. Few souls in the barnyard knew that he ran a highly successful business selling banned growth drugs meant for fowl and cocks. The cock bent low as he smelt foul-play. For he loved to see his fair fowl play and was therefore in extreme agitation. Like an agitated cock he sprang here and there. Suddenly Hen-na turned to him and said that she was merely testing his love and was actually fit as a fiddle. Cock sprang up happily, feeling relief, and vowed to stop his filthy business. The female of the species had won again, for this was what she wanted….

Lily the Lioness set out on her daily hunt again, for she had to strive and struggle, and kill some prey so that her family (including her husband Lumpp the Lion) could eat. She was clearly the leader, feeder, protector and caretaker of their family. They all depended upon her skill strength stamina and speed for their survival. The lion remained a feeble 'Yes-man' in front of his better (really better) half.....For the rest of the jungle he was the King.

And they still call Females the weaker sex !

The   joy of another’s misery

As the Chief started lampooning Vijay, Vinai tittered. Feigning disinterest he looked away, but his ears remained glued to the guttural pleas as the poor wretch cringed under the barrage of choicest invectives. The boss’s cabin literally shook with the action packed show. Its last part was specially watchable as the huge humiliated horrified hunk was verbally slain by the diminutive superior. Seeing his colleague’s slaughtered face and bent back, a smile crept near Vinai’s lips which he wiped away hastily lest his glee be noticed. As he went out of the senior’s room he couldn’t help feeling glad. Vijay was mortified and Vinai was somewhat merry.

Mouse click now to lunchtime. Morosely Vijay took a minute morsel into his melancholic mouth and started masticating moodily. Vinai glanced at his co-worker’s cyclone-hit face and deliberately cursed the officer for being so venomous, thereby bringing a half-smile back to Vijay’s parched lips.

Pausing for a moment to introspect, Vinai wondered what was at the root cause of his feeling gleeful at another’s misery. Why did he feel glad when his colleague was bashed up by their common superior, was the question that agitated him. Why is another’s pain a source of joy for us at times, Vinay’s mental machinery started whirring..

Its not that we are evil-hearted or villainous souls, rather it’s the relief one feels when a colleague (read competitor) is thrashed. Escaping pain equates to peace and happiness. Therefore the joyous countenance appears on one’s face, in thankfulness.

Secondly, we all like to see a pedestrian slipping on a banana peel, or a man’s pant being torn by a chasing raging dog. It signifies an accident or misfortune, and the sickening grimace on the victim’s face is enough to send us into spasms of surreptious laughter.

Thirdly, a dumbstruck tsunami-struck expression appears on a person’s face when he is scolded for no reason. A person gets an almost idiotic expression on his battered face, which the onlookers thoroughly enjoy.

Fourthly, we all enjoy the scene of a good bashing, as oft seen in Hindi films. We side with the hero instinctively , and thoroughly enjoy the annihilation of the other party. It almost feels as though the ‘victory’ is ours.

Vinay had just finished his analytical mental journey, when he heard the Chief holler out for him. As he entered the boss’s room, anticipating a lampooning, to his dismay he saw Vijay sitting inside also, watching and waiting expectantly….

Of Men and mice

It was a cool September dawn. Dark blue hue of the sky was contemplating turning pink, as a truck skidded noisily over the gutter cover on Janpath causing the rat “Drat” lying beneath the cover to wake up, startled! Smiling dreamily, Drat turned on its huge well-fed belly, mentally thanking heavens there was this cosy haven to protect it from the winter, and keep it cool in the sweltering summer. It pitied the wretched cats who crept about, even in broad daylight, living a dog’s life amidst asinine humans. The brainless cows were equally loathsome, and the street dogs sheer asses, who were faithful to humans instead of dogs!  Drat concluded that higher intellect could only be found in rats and humans. That’s why John Steinbeck had written “Of Mice and men.”  

Crevices in the gutter-lid began to filter down some pale light, as the day was just breaking. Suddenly a voice from the heavens also filtered down, exhorting Drat to awake arise and shine, and to go forth and make a difference to the beleaguered world. Dawn-vision was like a new-born baby, with the rosy hue pervading its pink cheeks aligned across the bluish skies. With an active mind and active body one could do wonders as limitless possibilities and myriad opportunities existed in this moment. In such a positivity charged atmosphere the rat could not resist itself, and, slapping itself awake, began making a mental list of what could be done to change the human world as of now.  For he was a firm believer in Power of the Now( ). Drat opened his pen and started scribbling the views of an animal concerned about humankind….

Firstly, human verbal abuses should not contain derogatory phrases like “You pig”, “You jackass”, “You skunk”, “You donkey”, “You vermin or “You bitch”  which tend to demean poor animals, who don’t even know their implications. When one human is verbally abusing and insulting another human he should refrain from referring to an animal, who are innocent of human machinations. Instead he may use : “You human.” That would be more insulting!

Secondly, Drat reasoned that since humankind is most unkind, it needs to learn basic kindness and human values from animals. Why not organize a training session for humans and invite animals and birds to be the expert panelists. The donkey could lecture on resilience, the dog on faithfulness, the tiny ant on hard work, the camel on conservation, the crow on strategy, the bat on perspectives, the ox on power, the wise owl on maturity, the elephant on memory, the cow on kindness, the giraffe on vision, the tortoise on steadfastness, the bear on strength and the lizard on patience. The Clever fox could do the Summing up making sure everybody’s satisfied and happy. Animals can certainly teach Men human values !

Thirdly, humans should be more respectful and sensitive towards other living organisms. Towards that end Drat decided there should be a new law that protects and preserves the dignity of animals. Animals birds and insects are not pushovers that can be treated with disdain, cruelty and callousness. Being magnificent creations of the creator they too should have some fundamental rights and statutory safeguards, just like humans. For instance when ill-treated, mules and donkeys should have the legal right to kick their masters. Similarly, monkeys who are underfed and made to perform street-shows should be entitled retaliate by biting their tormentors on weekly basis. The law should ensure respect, dignity and safety of all species of animals, including pet animals, and cruelty to animals should be made a cognizable offence.

Lastly, performing experiments on helpless mice rats guinea-pigs toads and lizards should be banned outright. Why should these animals sacrifice their entire lives to the cause of a single human inhuman medical experiment. Why cant humans experiment on humans when the benefit will accrue to humans only ?

Drat shut his gold Parker pen, and went off to sleep again, satisfied that he had drawn up a good White Paper to send to the Animal Newspaper for publishing. Perhaps it would help make humans more humane and sensitive towards animals and all living species ………

(Devjit Singh)

Etiquettes of Spitting



Aaa ...Sploooosh

 

An issue relevant to most Indian cities today is : Etiquettes de Cracher or Etiquettes of Spitting. However it is not often talked about. It’s just expressed.

Splattering saliva and sputum serenely is both a science and an art and every citizen learns to spit as naturally as every American learns to brag publicly. Mastering it through relentless practice since childhood, our men have gained considerable expertise in it and even the ladies are learning fast. However public spitting is rather demanding, and exhorts us to follow certain decorum, discipline and protocol if it is to be effective yet polite. With an air of innate confidence, quiet disdain and razor sharp reflexes, the spit must be delivered on corridor walls, staircases, pavements, railway platforms, airport entrances and roads among other places. Even while travelling in a car bus or train one must, at the first given opportunity, turn one’s head a little out of the window, and blast away ferociously. One must never think that it would be uncivilized irreverent or unhyieginic.  Or be bothered whether the wind has delivered the content right onto another’s face or windshield. Public spitting denotes self confidence and it also evokes a nationalistic feeling of being One. It is the common bond that unites us all, across regions and religions.

Coming now to the modalities of efficient spitting. Inside public buildings cinema halls and newly constructed buildings, the aim must reach the walls at the vertical line and splash it evenly and neatly.  Towards this end the aim and trajectory needs to be perfected with dedication and practice. The betel-leaf spit is most effective for most staircases as it lends a bit of colour to the otherwise drab and dull settings. The specific corner pots designated for the purpose at each floor must however be avoided like the plague. Another cautioning point to be remembered in the travelling expulsions is that it must be in a forceful yet even stream, and one must be careful not to let the crux of the matter fountain on one’s own clothes or car.  Another’s clothes, car or garden need not be worried about and one can spit and splash with complete freedom.  However nonchalance  is also of paramount importance in such matters and one must feign ignorance if caught spitting publicly. This is so because everyone spits but no one can tolerate another spitter. Sprinting or racing away hastily is a good physical exercise to be kept reserved for such moments.

Two main categories of spitting have been chronicled, the ‘silent type’ and’ the ‘noisy type.’ An appropriate mix of the two would include sound level of 23 % with content of 77 % as the experts often conclude. It’s a real pity that natural phenomena like spit burps and breaking wind are so demeaned in our country,

For a moment now ‘Mouse click’ to London. Imagine a person spitting with abandon on the sidewalk near the river Thames, or near the Tower of London. People who spit in public places in London face being hit with a £ 80 on-the-spot fine under a new crackdown on antisocial behavior which has been approved by the group of London Councils. Moreover the local English people would literally burn one down with distasteful glares. So much fuss over one little drop by humanity, one would think and be reminded of ‘Much ado about nothing.’ In Singapore Vancouver or Barcelona one would possibly be sent to jail for spitting, besides having to pay a hefty fine.

Considering the warped international attitudes towards Spitting, one would suggest the following:

First and foremost every Indian, and person of the subcontinent should be allowed, nay encouraged to spit anywhere in the subcontinent as its only natural and helps to increase the depleting water table of that area.

Secondly,  Indian women must be encouraged to spit openly, for it shows their  true grit, spirit and inner self confidence. They cannot be taken lightly if they can spit publicly. This will help break the decades old shackles of mental oppression that they have suffered.

Thirdly people must be guided properly to spit at the bottom of dried plants, shrubs, flowers trees and hedges for it helps in sustaining them, in these days of parched monsoons.

Fourthly, our nation is the world’s greatest democracy and depriving anyone of this fundamental right would surely be inconsistent with the ideals of democracy. To encourage spitting, it can be made part of the National Games, and the distance thrown can be a measure of the most  successful man. 

Fifthly, anyone opposing public spitting should be spat upon vigorously. Only then he may see its true worth.

Sixthly, imagine youself trekking between Raison (Kullu Valley) and Manikaran, and pausing atop the peak at Village Matikochar to imbibe the spectacular soothing scenery.  What better ode to beauty could there be, than spitting respectfully.

Seventhly, the Swachch Bharat Abhiyan cannot be a success truly, without availability of cleansing through ‘watering’ first. Only then can the cleaning be done properly. No sane man would therefore deny the tremendous utility of collective spitting.  

Lastly, collecting storing and treating saliva chemically may help in producing some effective antiseptic and healing lotions.

Spitting is an often denigrated and much maligned attribute, even though it signifies a return to Nature. Come, let us all join in showing the ignorant world its true worth, and here India can be a true world-leader! 

 (Devjit Singh)