I did not choose my own body

Here I am, 59 years old, and wondering what kind of a body I am saddled with; or rather, what kind of a body have I made mine, down the years. Fact remains though that someone, something somewhere, sometime gave me my body the way it was at birth. Mother, undoubtedly, and apart from Mother and Father, something else which is beyond comprehension. In each body, its intricate beauty, amazingly complex inner- structure, uniqueness such that no two are alike, facial contours, there is some divine magic going on here that we have, in a most simplistic manner, normalised and treated in an off-hand casual manner, as just another creation of the Lord. The human body is most magical. As is all of Nature. 

Sadly, I have neglected and abused my body and made my own stomach, liver and limbs dysfunctional.

Here I am, 59 years old, and still wondering what constitutes my mind. I dont know what kind of a person I am. Am I a good person, or a wicked one. Some of my shenanigans activities and thought processes are cheap immoral and downright loathsome. Other times, I picture myself as a moderately good and affable fellow. My nature, disposition and mood fluctuates as per the state of my stomach, pocket, free-time and surrounding company, books and influences. What am I really; I cant say.

The say "Choices we make define the life we lead." It is really debatable whether we really Make those choices, or whether the choices become ours perforce of necessity and circumstance. In a way all that I did these last 59 years just happened to happen. Changing circumstances did the choosing themselves. Not me. Events bound themselves into and unto my life, in an inextricable pattern.

I did not choose the meandering track of my own life.

But what I can choose now, is to be thankful.

Chunnu Ki Mummy ki Kalam Se...

Hi I am Chunnu's Mom, Teji. I live alone in our Mayur Vihar flat, whereas my husband lives in Rudrapur (UK) running his seed multiplication plant, agriculture and poultry farm. We get together every month for a few days. Both of us keep very busy in our professional lives.

Today morning, while driving my WagonR enroute to office, I slipped into Auto-Mode, it was a silent reverie, a day-dreaming sort of mindlessness (but not mind-out, mind you),  a peaceful nothingness where the vehicle drove itself, whereas I was only the numb spectator. The robotic machinations of my arms and legs steered the car, amidst heavy morning rush! I never knew what happened. Nearly fourteen minutes later I "awoke" to a bike honking behind, realization dawned that I was in Connaught Place, weaving my way expertly, efficiently and effectively through the traffic jungle. A thought twittered that when the steering wheel is controlled by the Lord (lets call it Force-One), the results are best and praiseworthy.

Such moments of Auto-mode commuting to office, or day-dreaming mindlessly, or even napping... may be those are our most productive, livable and efficient moments. When we let go, it all joins back in a unique way. This "letting-go" can be both unconscious or deliberately done. I want to try the deliberate "letting-go" through my own techniques to see what happens...

(Pssst.: Sharing a secret: every second, think about the minute that just passed, and be slightly (not much) thankful for its passing and revel in its passing and knowing that such passing heals, and that the next minute is destined to pass too). This will be relaxing, calming and healing.

Now, in a lighter vein, let me clarify that I'm not like my hubby who swears by crops, seeds, compost and other cow-dung, in his old family house in the Terai, I live an absolutely independent life here in Delhi, and people call view me as updated, hep, computer-savvy, smart, and a new-age lady. I am a good-looker 40ish though truly 60ish;  Between working with an NGO helping destitute women, and giving lectures to Delhi police on Gender-sensitization, I also play tennis on weekends. I enjoy imbibing too. Life is fairly full and I enjoy being away from my husband. I suspect, he enjoys it too. However, of late I have started missing the family home-life, what good is so much work, achievement and money... if we all live separately....the recent Covid pandemic set me and my friends thinking, and we arrived at a few conclusions:- We in India, in the present day context, need to urgently:-

1. Start respecting Mother Nature, and move towards Environmental Conservation

We have violated Mother Nature (read Force-One) enough Enough! Plastic Bags are everywhere and plastic waste mounting, enormous toxic factory smoke and fumes, poisonous vehicular emissions, destroying trees for industries, liquid chemical pollution in rivers, corpses and garlands floating in the already spoilt rivers, endangering wildlife, Air-Conditioners de-conditioning the environmental Air, playing dangerous Bio-chemical lab games, increasing sound-pollution, food waste rotting.....Drinking water becoming scarce; and so much more. Nature (read Force-One) has issued its ultimate warning, in the form of this dreaded disease, for starters let us reduce the use of plastic carry bags in our lives, and also try to reduce the dependency on ACs.

2.  To value Human Life more: Wealth, property, material possessions are not the only things worth hankering after, in this life; life includes so much more. Let go, ease-up and let Life-tensions take the back seat. Enjoy life; but think of others too. Live life today, act out a few private dreams, make that phone call to an old friend, or old uncle, even an old enemy, and say hello ..... Uncertainty of human life has been shown to be a harsh Harsh reality.

3. Connect with Friends, and keep connected. Friends are the only ones who will always care, apart from family. Laugh; to make others laugh. There is no better gift, than the gift of a smile, to a sad mind. But first, start smiling yourself. Despite it all.

4. To cherish and value family relationships; Family First should be the motto, not job, work, salary or business, for who knows "Kal Ho Na Ho" the famous line, may come true. Any time. Dont let yourself sink into depression, there is no time left, to be depressed. Even in a back-handed way: Cheer-up (for the worst may be yet to come).

While it is a fact that across the globe, apart from the tragic loss of human lives, and immense sadness to related families, the Covid disease has set back national economies by years, and caused great economic hardship to innumerable people, there still are some takeaways also, of this silent killer-Covid.  Some learnings and gleanings, that may be of some use in future... 

Most importantly, it is a lesson to be learnt that Mother Nature is not to be trifled with. Biological experiments and using medical knowledge to heal people and even animals  is understandable, but what is not, is recklessly playing Bio-experiments with bats animals and reptiles, its something beyond our limited human boundaries. We have possibly created a monster virus which is now rapidly changing its form with devastating effects..... The monster may be capable of mutating more and creating more monsters. Who knows, someone might be creating these monster viruses deliberately. They need to be stopped. If possible.

Environmental protection also needs to be pursued in real earnest.

Secondly, it is a reminder that human relations should not be belittled. 'Family' means caring for one another,  listening to loved ones, and considering the Indian ideology of Vasudev Kutumbakam, being sensitised to what other people feel, opine, think and want (for they are part of our extended 'Family' too). By the way I still love my husband, as I love animals. Maybe its time to start living together again, as a family.

 

  Water Conservation in the bathroom

1. Here is a slightly new method of taking a bath, with the focus on conserving water: based on personal experience. Its worth a try:

Fill the bathing bucket just half-full, and use no extra water beyond that. Sitting down on a bathroom stool, just Straddle the bucket wth legs on both sides as if embracing the bucket; with legs. Then using a smaller sized mug, pour the water over the body in such a way that half of it gets deliberately trickled back into the bucket! This amount of water will get re-used and the "satiety-level" of the user will be as of using a full bucket of water. Anyway a lot of water goes down the drain without being used fully.

2. Soap-use.  Use soap only thrice a week, this will reduce the quantum of water daily required to rinse off the soap layers from the body. For office-goers, lathering the body every day, with fancy perfumed soaps is not at all required; in fact it may even deprive the skin of required natural essential oils. 

3. If using an overhead shower for bathing, let the water trickle down into a bucket kept underneath, to collect back most of the clean water, for re-use. Water conserved is water saved. This is also good water.

4. Lastly, there is no mandatory rule to bathe everyday, if an alternate-day sponge-bath can clear off the sweat and odours satisfactorily. Besides this saves valuable morning time, in getting ready for work. Let this be dependent upon individual needs. 

5. Just Wash Hands 12 times daily! 

 

Stairway to Heaven...

Assuming one knows that in 10 days time he is going to take the stairway to Heaven, that is his candle is about to blow out,  and that he is going to be 'No-More' what are the things he’d like to do, before he vanishes from the face of the earth ……..(maybe forever)

Dhruv Arora contemplated the matter seriously and decided that Firstly, he would like to make his first crush, Sudha (Modern School Delhi), with whom he had privately seen his first adult movie in June 1986, (without anything untoward happening, due to his meek timid nature) hop on to his Harley Davidson's bike back-seat and ride away into the hills of Kasauli for some quiet trekking and talking. Just to make up for the lost time (35 years or so). Better late than never, he reasoned logically.

Secondly, Dhruv decided that he deserved a visit each to Amalfi coast (Italy), Rio De Janeiro, London, Interlaken-Switzerland and Dubai, Five choicest foreign places he had never visited. For that matter he had never ventured anywhere beyond Indo-Nepal border! He decided to devote six days in totality to the five cities. He decided to have a ball at all these places. Just to make up for the lost years of his life (59 or so).

Thirdly, he wanted a good expensive pair of shoes for himself, which he always desired, but his better half never agreed to, since they were too costly, she said. Around 3500 bucks. He decided to finally BE A MAN, TAKE A BOLD DECISION and purchase those shoes, come what may. Let her holler and yell. A man has to be smartly dressed before dying, he reasoned intelligently.

Fourthly.. (Hey, wait a minute, he shouted to himself, mentally-Will my wants never die, not even so near to my death. Why has the Creator made me (and maybe most of us) a creature of desires, wants, needs and aspirations only. Why am I such a needy greedy grasshopper. Why is satisfaction so elusive..... will may Last Desires ever end..

         So, Fourthly, he decided he wanted deliverance from all his wants and desires…for fulfilment of this one want would fulfill all his other wants....Needless to add, his this wish was not fulfilled..

Chunnu Ke Dada Ki Kalam Se-II   (Sequel to earlier Chunnu Ki Kalam Se)

My name is Sardar Singh, and I am grandfather of Chunnu. 

A progressive farmer based in Rudrapur in the Terai belt of Uttrakhand, I also run a small seed processing unit. I am proud to be serving my nation, not like my son Vir Singh, who is anything but 'Vir' (brave). A Cost Accountant based in Delhi, he is, I'm sad to admit, a bit of a wimp, terrified as he always is, of annoying his better half. Even in his chosen work-sphere he could'nt do much, due to his timid introverted shy outlook. He remains to this date, a dissatisfied man. No wonder his manner of farting is also so sullen, stealthy, silent, sad, smelly and surreptitious. I have tentatively drawn up the conclusion that his downcast mental state, and dejected demeanour is responsible for his farts being so bad and undetectable, until its way too late, and the airy arrows have left the quiver....leaving many aquiver. Besides he also a habitual liar (maybe certified accountants are that way)! This has also contributed to the state of his farts. Reverse-engine that, and it will be evident to most keen observers, that Farts can depict a lot about the Personality traits of a person. 

For long this has been an intriguing subject, and I have tried analysing why we Indians fart so much, and whether any meaningful delineation can be drawn up of different personality types, based on the average types of farts emitted by them, daily. After all, an average Indian farts about 18 times daily. After deep introspection, pain-staking research, and some brain-storming, I have finally arrived at some important conclusions, which may be worth sharing world-wide, thus this paper is now ready for release. Have a blast (of information).

There can be four different types of farts, the Sound based, the Odour based, Mixture ones with a dash of throbbing sleazy sound, and lastly the Low grade pistol-fire type, each with its own associated human traits. Each one is best explained, for thorough understanding, with a live example.

My own day typically starts off with one or two big "Paranthas" (Wheat-breads) mostly having stuffings of radishes, onions, potatoes, cauliflower (or a judicious mix of some of these), topped off some white butter, curd, washed down with masala (spiced)-tea. Needless to say, I am compelled to commence releasing wind immediately, but I valiantly hold on, until I have bid adieu to the dear wife, and upon getting seated comfortably in my Toyota sedan, the first one is usually let loose, as a noisy long-drawn staccato drum-beat, as I instruct my driver, about my work-plan, and urgent visits for the day ahead. The decent man Sardara Singh, doesnt bat an eyelid, and politely waits for the drum-beat to end; before venturing to discuss anything further. Generally, the fart ends the dialogue.

For the gleanings: My farts indicate that I am a positive energetic workaholic, an achiever, a go-getter, a bit too impetuous at times, but forgivable for the spirit behind it all. Not one for dwelling on past failures, I venture forth impatiently, for new failures.....for there will be many..... 

My friend Sardul Singh, on the other hand, is a silent killer, much on the lines of my son Vir. His releases are swift attackers, serving to immobilise the poor unsuspecting victims. Not even emitting as much as a quiet hiss, the Hydrogen bomb is released sneakily, wreaking havoc all around! Typically an Indian fart is about 59% Nitrogen gas, 21% Hydrogen, 8% Carbon dioxide, 7% Methane and 4% Oxygen. Only about one per cent of a fart contains Hydrogen Sulphide gas, of the famed rotten eggs odour, which gives the fart its inimitable aroma. Besides, Sardul Singh's farts travel at the speed of about 3.3 metres/ per second, even before the surrounding people can even take three deep breaths, as propagated by Swami Ramdev of Haridwar.

Sardul's farts reveal that basically he is criminal minded and cannot be trusted! He is a somewhat shady character; one with loose morals, disregard for the law, and is nearly equivalent to a slimy two-faced dog; a con-artist to beat all tricksters, and a liar to beat all lawyers ! But I still believe a friend is forever, even if he stinks to the core.

Then there is my sister-in-law Surjeet Kaur, who deals in the 'Mixed' variety. Surjeet is the eternal marriage-broker, though not for money; her efforts and ef-farts are more for aligning two like-minded like-farters for a long fart-filled happy matrimony, lasting till gaseous eternity. However, she farts according to the situation, and where the prospective alliance is likely fizzling out, she lets loose a final stink, alongwith a short abrupt low-sounding blast, signifying sad finality and the end of the discussion. She is a firm believer in the adage that marital union is like a fart: 

If  you love someone, let it (or him) go......and If you're trying to force it, its probably Shit. And if you dont love him, just let it go.   

Her happy ones though, are pure music for the soul, being melodious mellifluous flute notes signifying a satisfying victory, that augurs a happy marriage alliance..

The Bottom-Line however is that a Fart is not merely Air.  It has far wider implications, and in order to study Farts further and obtain essential wisdom therefrom,  it is suggested that Farting as a Subject may be included as a higher level study course in all accredited universities, all over India. Job-opportunities should also be created as in China, where one can actually (truly) get a job as a professional fart-smeller!

The Fart-story doesnt end here.....lots more is in pipeline....

 CHUNNU KI KALAM SE

1.  Mera Naam Chunnu hai, Waisey to main Charanjit Arora hoon, par pyar se 'Chunnu' hi bulaya jaata hoon, main 9th Class St.Columbas School, New Delhi ka student hoon. Though young, I am quite aware of my surroundings, and of  these Convent of Jesus & Mary school girls (across the St.Columba's hedge divider), who are apparently quite cute, one must admit, Church ki Saugandh.... though I dont presently care much for them.  I think they are quite silly, really. And much over-rated! 

2.  Aaj Mummy ne Papa ko Kuttey (Dog) ke jaise Daanta (scolded), for returning home very late and drunk. Is Papa=Kutta (Dog), the right social equation/ I often wonder....is that what all successful Hindu (and Sikh) marriages are made of......that husbands have to sit quiet, when the dear wife yells. And more worrysome for me......am I too a kutta (Dog), is my main question? Or am I on my way to becoming one? How long will it take for me to become a MCP (pig) or a dog, which is better, I dont know.....if you ask me I'd prefer to be regarded as a stallion.

And why does Papa have to return home drunk, why cant he drink at home itself, peacefully, in some shady corner?

3. Hamaree (Our) family ne, few months back, ik Toy Pomerenian puppy khareeda (purchased), jiska naam rakha gaya 'Coco.' Coco is now quite an important member of our Punjabi family (middle-class) based in # 103, Dhruva Apartments, Patparganj, East-Delhi.  I suspect Papa loves the puppy a lot, nearly as much as he loves mummy. But Coco doesnt bother him as much as mummy does, at times. Moreover Coco yelps in joy when Papa returns home late from office, and licks him all over, whereas Mummy never licks him.......she only chastens and scolds him for being late..

4. But to put things straight, Jabse hamne kutta (puppy) paala (nurtured) hai, Papa aur Mummy kutte jaise itni fight nahi karte. Shayad ek jaanwar ne unhein kuch insaniyat sikha di hai; how strange, that a small puppy can teach us humans so much love and affection..

5. Animals cannot speak in a language. But sometimes it seems that Animals are more Godly than men.....uncannily in a canine way, they seem to know a bit 'more' about Creation, and they definitely have much more patience and depth than us humans. They seem to accept their destiny without demur or protest, and with peace and equanimity......this is something that even I cannot do. I love Coco's honest sad and limpid eyes, they reflect honesty, patience, warmth and truth. They resemble Yogita Bali's limpid eyes (I saw in an old magazine Papa had hidden). 

I am perceptive enough to note that Animals and dogs, never pamper their young. Rather they encourage their young to fend for themselves, from a very young age. Their parental motto is: Go forth into this big bad world, you dog, and be a Tiger, not a slinking shy jackal, let the Animal in you come to the fore...... Animals are better parents, and they are humane, while we humans are mundane.

Oh, one more thing on puppies and dogs, they do look beautiful and adorable, just as they are... they dont need Fair & Lovely cream, nor any make-up kits. They are what they are....They dont even need designer clothes, jeans or perfumes like we do.....theirs is the unadorned beauty of Truth.

For a school student I am quite savvy, though I dont know whether only brains will help me get a job, for marrying some cute little thing. I dont really know much about cute little things, yet.  Or whether they are worth marrying..... These PYTs (Pretty young things) must be thinking I am very ugly, what with my little beard and ragged uneven moustache...but I cant help being a Sardar-boy, and a not so good looking one at that!  But then, I may be kind of cute, just like Coco...

6. One last note... St.Columba's remains the best school of Delhi, not because I study there, or because Shah Rukh Khan is an Alumni of the 1984 batch, but because simply...we convent students are the best. That is what we have been taught. But St.Columba's has taught me humility too, despite everything.

(However, as an aside,  I do hope I get admission into a good engineering college like BITS Pilani, upon finishing school, I am quite worried how these lowly Govt.school boys are performing so much better than us these days, although the education standard at St.Columba's  has been proven to be so much superior to theirs!)

AND NOW FOR THE MOMENT OF TRUTH (Coco has taught me Truth); I am not Chunnu at all!

Yes, sir.

In fact I am the father of Chunnu, having adorned this garb to attract more readership, for today is the world of Advertisement, presentation, packaging, pretension, preening, publicity and more such lies. Moreover the Hindi-in-English cleverness was another clever trick of this old dog (me). However most of the other particulars are true; and not particularly false, they apply to both Chunnu and me.

I'll be back with more sequels and episodes....... (Father of Chunnu)

 

HAVE WE OURSELVES, WROUGHT UPON US THIS DREADFUL DAMNING DISEASE

We  have been tinkering around with the delicately balanced system of Nature, for too long now !

Manufacturing plastic with abandon, generating tons of non-biodegradable waste, billowing out clouds of industrial gases and toxic fumes, madly increasing vehicular pollution, using air-conditioners to chill down insides of homes and offices while badly heating up the environment; mindlessly polluting our streams, rivers, ponds, lakes and oceans with ghastly and deadly industrial waste, garbage and other poisonous matter, embarking on dangerous bio-experiments .....all on our great agenda and mindless path of  'Industrial Progress and Growth' with nary a thought for the Environment or the Natural Systems.

 How much more shit could our Mother Nature take....even she had to cry out someday...And we idiots have no time, even, to dwell upon what wrong we may be doing, and are continuing to do, to Mother earth.

But the apathy goes deeper than that, when we start disregarding the sysytems and cycles of Mother Nature, and the way things are meant to function. The atmosphere, trees, flora and fauna can only aborb so much filth, and not much more. Else, the seasons, monsoons and climate starts going haywire! As is evidently happening. This naturally has to have an effect on our bodies too, leading to respiratory, skin and other ailments, hypertension, migraine and indigestion being other buddies we have picked up on the way, by running around with tension-packed minds, and excercise-free bodies. No, No, No....even now we will not strain our bodies, come what may; even the few Gym freaks cannot budge us! The result is not too unexpected. We have gradually become weaker, in heath, mind, body and spirit. And in morals too! 

We have polluted the very air we breathe and the water we drink! We have not even taken care to think properly and positively, with thankfulness.

The only spirit that motivates many of us nowadays, is the bottled one. Even teenagers have started imbibing with a passion that has to be seen to be believed. Without being judgemental, it has to be agreed that so much liquor, at this tender age, cannot do good. When the young bodies and minds need to read good books and get good vigorous physical excercise, insane boozing spoils it all. We are not even considering the wastage of money here. The wasting away of the young bodies (even middle aged ones) is of enormous importance, given that We are supposed to be on the track of "India-Shining". 

One more thing.. addiction to mobile phones must be minimised. We need to get back to the world of reading the printed and published books, novels, autobiographies, magazines and other good and inspiring literature. 

But, wrought up as we Indians are, in our tiny worlds of Laptops and Mobile phones, we, in our short-sightedness are seemingly 'content' and uncaring also. But actually a great deal of harm is being done by us. We are the culprits. No one else. 

We, in India may have become slightly more educated but have sadly become mush more unwise. Our Minds too have become polluted and apathetic; filled with callousness and greed. Our local and national politicians have been exemplary role models in this direction. For example, we have adopted the following life-pattern:

"A never sees B in distress, without thinking that C should immediately help him."  

As very good citizens of Delhi-the National Capital Region-NCR, have learnt to talk big, but never to stop our vehicles to help a dying accident victim, nor be bothered about increasing dowry deaths or ghastly crimes in the region. What does affect us, is the rising price of tomatoes in the local market. Or why, Praveen, the neighbour's boy got into IIM-B whereas mine could only manage XLRI-J. That too in the 3rd list. WE ARE NOT DIL-WALAs, rather we are Be-Dil! WE ARE HEARTLESS, CRUEL AND STUPID BEYOND BELIEF.

WE NEED TO CHANGE OUR LIFESTYLES, OUR MINDSETS AND OUR PRO-CORRUPTION ATTITUDES, for any meaningful change to take place......LET THE CHANGE START AT DELHI, the national capital.

The dreadful damning disease, ison us, and the onus is on-us to emerge 'victorious', if that is the right word. It will hardly be any Victory, though..... but our children deserve some change that we may be able to bring.  If we try. Or rather, If We want to try.